The Meaning and Importance of Lament

Recently I have been attending biweekly online prayer meetings planned and led by David Nelson, a local friend who is a retired ELCA minister. The theme of the March 19 meeting was “Lamenting with the people of Ukraine.” That started me thinking about the meaning and importance of lament. 

An online dictionary defines lament as “a passionate expression of grief or sorrow.” As a verb, “to mourn” is perhaps the closest synonym of “to lament.” It is a word to be used in reaction to deeply distressing situations.

However, I found from recent use of “Google Alerts,” that “lament” is now widely used as an expression of sadness over some things that are of no major importance, such as the loss of an athletic contest.

Properly used, though, lament is the expression of grief over great loss, such as by death, destruction, or disaster—such as experienced by so many Ukrainians since the end of February.

Here is part of the opening “prayer of lament” used at the March 19 meeting:       

We recognize patterns of privilege and systems of discrimination.

Hear our lament, O God.

We see your creation destroyed by carelessness and greed.

Hear our lament, O God.

We weep for the war in Ukraine, for victims of violence.

Hear our lament, O God.
We weep for the families forced to separate because of war. 
        Hear our lament, O God.      

And now, on a much smaller scale, we lament for the families and friends of those fatally shot in Buffalo, NY, on May 14.

The importance and prevalence of lament in the Bible is often overlooked. It is not surprising that the happy, hopeful passages are more often quoted. But, in reality, expressions of lament are frequent in the Bible.

Psalms, the hymnbook of the Old Testament, includes many psalms of lament, including Psalm 22, which Jesus quoted on the cross as he was being executed: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (v. 1).

Lamentations is one of the (little-read) books of the Old Testament. In it, the writer (traditionally considered to be Jeremiah), “paints a portrait of utter devastation and appalling suffering: starvation, disease, slaughter, rape, scavenging, looting, and the desecration of holy things.”*

The five chapters of Lamentations depressingly portray the calamities experienced by the Israelites after the fall of Jerusalem in 587 B.C. But in the midst of all the lamenting, there are two verses that many people know and deeply appreciate.

Lamentations 3:22-23 says, “It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness” (KJV).

From those verses came the much-beloved hymn “Great is Thy Faithfulness” (1923) which has been sung often for nearly 100 years now.

Also, while the word lament is not used, a closely related idea is found in the New Testament as one of the Beatitudes spoken by Jesus declares, “Blessed are those who mourn” (Matthew 5:4).

Lament is of great importance for people who are suffering substantial loss—as well as for those who suffer in solidarity with such people.

When we are experiencing catastrophic circumstances, lament is highly appropriate. We don’t need people telling us to cheer up or suggest some quick fix for our felt grief.

Even in public worship, there needs to be time for lamenting as well as for rejoicing.

It is also important to lament for others—such as for those in Ukraine and in Buffalo, as well as so many others suffering in various places around the world.

As one writer explains, “Lament is a participation in the pain of others.” And, “Lament is not only for the suffering; it is for solidarity with the suffering. We love our neighbor when we allow their experience of pain to become the substance of our prayer.”**

Even when we ourselves are happy/content, love for others obliges us to lament with those who aren’t. If we don’t often lament in times like these, doesn’t that indicate a serious deficiency in our love/empathy?

_____

* From “Lamentations: A Bottle for the Tears of the World,” a book review of Christopher J.H. Wright’s book The Message of Lamentations (2015), accessible here.

** From Five Things to Know about Lament” by Glenn Packiam.

"It's Not About the Nail"

Some of you probably have seen a certain YouTube video making the rounds. If you haven’t seen it yet, you need to click on this link and watch the 1 min. 42 sec. video before reading the rest of this posting.

Written and produced by Jason Headley, the above-mentioned video is titled “It’s Not About the Nail.” It was sent to me by a family member who referred to it (on the email subject line) as “Fun (and short) video clip -- worth watching.”

Online comments include such words as “hilarious,” “LOL,” and “cracking up” – along with many more serious and some sarcastic comments.

In my reply to those on the family distro, I wrote, “Well, I thought this video was interesting, but I didn't think it was funny.” And, “It seems to me that sometimes just listening/understanding isn't enough and not particularly helpful.”

The response from the one who initiated the conversation: “Sometimes no matter how right you may be, if you cannot connect empathically with the other person, it is all for naught and they will not hear your truth.” I agree. But sometimes people will not listen to reason even if you do connect empathically.

That’s the reason I didn’t think the video was funny. The guy seems to have listened quite well. But that didn’t seem to help overcome the pain the woman in the video was experiencing. As my oldest granddaughter wrote, “Maybe it’s just that sometimes people just have to face facts in their own time.” Probably so. But sometimes we may need to confront others.

This discussion brought to mind the fine book “Caring Enough to Confront” (1973; 3^rd ed., 2009) by Mennonite theologian David Augsburger (b. 1938). In the Preface, Augsburger writes, “If I love you, I must tell you the truth” (p. iii).

Of course, the truth must be expressed carefully and with compassion. That is why Augsburger’s first chapter is called “Care-fronting: A Creative Way Through Conflict.” Putting care and confrontation together provides “the unique combination of truth and love that is necessary for building human relationships” (p. 9)

Empathic listening is important in showing others that we care about them, and usually any communication is enhanced by really paying attention to the other’s pain and fears. Once we help others know that we really care about them, then perhaps we can help them solve the problems they are facing or the fears they are wrestling with.

The old saying is doubtlessly true in many cases: “People don’t care how much we know until they know how much we care.”

Empathetic listening is important in families and among close friends. And certainly it needs to be practiced wherever, and especially whenever, there are conflicts—at home, among friends, at work and elsewhere.

Is that how I should respond to those who strongly disagree with my opinions expressed in this blog (or on Facebook)? Perhaps to a certain degree. But I don’t make these postings as a pastor, counselor, or mediator. I am trying to encourage serious thinking, and thoughtful dialogue.

When there are disagreements with what I write, I welcome people expressing their opposing viewpoints. But I don’t think my primary response should be, “Yes, I understand how you feel.”

There is a time and place to deal with feelings, of course. But this blog is designed primarily for dialogue, which occurs best when opposing viewpoints are expressed and discussed. Often, indeed, it is the nail needs to be talked about.